Yesterday… yesterday I broke. All my fears, my inadequacies (that I convince myself of), my loneliness, my hurt, and my heart were laid bare in front of a room of strangers. I cried, tears flowed down my cheeks on and off throughout the day. I fought a headache (which was brought about by crying of course), I forced myself to be real and open, and still, I want another chance. I want to continue to dig deeper. That vulnerability, no matter how scary, is kinda powerful and huge.
At the end of the day Lara (one of the most amazing examples of a God fearing, God loving, powerful, humble woman) asked me to write down a word that described how I was feeling right at that moment. Broken. Broken flashed in my mind and I kept trying to push it aside and figure out a better word, one that might fit in with all the other words a little bit better. Still it flashed in my mind… Broken. Broken. Broken. And I knew, I had to be honest, I had to be real, to lay myself out there and admit, I’m broken. When I was writing that word hugely across my Making Things Happen folder something else came to mind. A song. Lyrics. “I’m pressed but not crushed. Persecuted but not abandoned. Struck down but not destroyed. I’m blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure and His joy is going to be my strength.”
It was then I realized. Brokenness doesn’t define me. It’s just a place I’m at. It’s when you’re fully broken, that’s when the Lord can rebuild you into the person He wants you to be. Wait, let me say this again. It’s when I’M fully broken, that’s when the Lord can rebuild ME into the person He wants ME to be. He makes things whole. He makes ME whole. He gave me talents, desires, gifts and I am excited to use what He’s given me to bring Him glory. I know the things I love and I am excited to pursue them! I am excited to see what growth comes from yesterday.
The past is the past, today is a new beginning. Today I choose to live my life making baby steps. I am deciding to live that dreamy, rich day that I desire. Today is a new beginning. And I am excited, rejuvenated, ready.
Thank you Lara, Emily, & Gina. You women are an inspiration, a true blessing. Ladies from Making Things Happen San Fran, your words, your voices, remain within me. I am so thankful to have lived a day with you all in one small room. I am excited to see what’s to come. Girls, go out and do it! Life’s to short not to be your best, to do your best, and to enjoy the journey!
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thanks for sharing this jen. for sure a good reminder. i’m happy for you.
also, i love your hair. you are beautiful.
Jen, this post is beautiful. As I’m preparing to go to MTH Maui, I keep finding myself worrying too much about what I’m going to wear, how I’m going to act, and all that stuff. Your post reminded me just how good it is to live honestly. I’m so glad you had an incredible experience!
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Making Things Happen, Jen Turner. Jen Turner said: #MTH2010 San Fran rocked me. Here I share my experience; my journey. And, oh boy, it's just the beginning! http://su.pr/2y7PZ0 [...]
You are an amazing woman, Jen, and I am blessed to have gotten to know you yesterday. God is going to use you to do amazing things. I look forward to seeing it!
BROKEN!!!
wow! that was really powerful to read and little did I know I meet you that day!
wonderful post and here is to many more exciting things to come!
This is just lovely, thank you for sharing.